


FMK

by annhamilton



Category: MCU, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Gen, Teasing, father-son bonding, fmk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-17 13:39:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18099596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annhamilton/pseuds/annhamilton
Summary: “Hey Pete,” Mr. Stark called out, his voice caused Peter to lift his head from his station to see Mr. Stark holding up his phone. “Why did Ned text you f m k Cap, Thor and Hulk?”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this full out just ignores that Tony sold the tower

Peter loved spending time with Tony Fucking Stark at the Tower just toying with things and doing homework. Peter went to the next question on his chemistry homework, he was about to text Ned to see where he was but...

“Hey Pete,” Mr. Stark called out, his voice caused Peter to lift his head from his station to see Mr. Stark holding up his phone. “Why did Ned text you _f m k Cap, Thor, and Hulk”_

Peter flushed, deeply embarrassed. “I um it’s nothing, it’s just a game,” Peter said quickly, he wasn’t lying it was a game. Peter reached for his phone but Mr. Stark stepped out of his reach.

 _Damn it._ Peter knew he should have turned on that setting that just says you have a text and doesn’t show it unless it’s unlocked.

“If it's with the Avengers then why am I not in it and what God's name does _f m k_ mean,” Mr. Stark asked, much to Peter’s horror. “Fri, what does f m k stand for in the context of a teenagers text?”

“It could stand for, fuck, marry, kill,” the AI said through the ceiling.

“Thanks, Fri,” Mr. Stark handed Peter back his locked phone, with an amused expression on his face. “I still don’t know why I’m not on the list.”

“Mr. Stark,” Peter looked around, wishing that the ground would just swallow him and spare him from his embarrassment. “I—we—um—what?”

Mr. Stark laughed. “I’m kidding Pete. I just wonder, is this what kids do nowadays?”

“Kind of,” Peter answered, hesitant and probably still sweating because it’s hot in here, given the rising temperature of his embarrassment.

“What are your answers?” Mr. Stark smiled and sat down, he spun a little in his chair and gestured for Peter to sit down in the other chair beside him. “Come on, just between the two of us.”

Peter squeaked or squawked, he’s not sure, but a high pitched noise came from his throat. “Mr. Stark—”

“Tony, God, kid just call me Tony,” he snatched Peter phone from his hand again. “Tough choices, kid, but I am married.”

“I thought you engaged.”

“Same thing,” Mr. Stark waved him off. “And don’t change the subject.”

“I can’t answer that,” Peter said, he dropped into his seat and looked down at the table, back to his textbook. “Let me study.”

Mr. Stark clapped a hand on his shoulder. “Oh come on,” Mr. Stark pushed the book away. “Don’t do your homework, answer Ned’s question about my former-ish coworkers. I’m cool like that.”

“I don’t know,” Peter said even though he has his answers.

“I think I know what you’re going to pick,” Tony smiled, at Peter look of disbelief, he added, “I do.”

“What then.”

“Kill Thor, marry Hulk, and ya know Cap.”

Peter shook his head. “Nope.”

“For real.”

“Are  you sure that’s not your answer.”

“Very funny kid,” Mr. Stark said. Peter wonders if he’s seen Tumblr.

“Okay if I tell you my answers will you leave me alone.”

“Yes.”

“Kill Hulk, marry Cap, fuck Thor.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> by popular demand, a second chapter, enjoy.

“Kill Hulk, marry Cap, fuck Thor.”

Mr. Stark raised an eyebrow. “You do know that you can’t really kill the Hulk.”

“It’s just hypothetical,” Peter filled with his pen, hoping that Mr. Stark would let it go so he could tell Ned and they could die of embarrassment together.

“Oh yeah, I know that,” Mr. Stak pushed his shoulder a little again. 

“You do realize this is super embarrassing.” 

“Yes,” Mr. Stark said. “Come on, kid, embarrassing teenagers is how adults get their joy.” Mr. Stark’s hand slipped from his shoulder to the table top, where notes and gadgets lay. “You’ll understand when you’re older.”

“That's what May always says.”

“Smart women, I wonder where she would put me in that f-m-k chart.” 

“Kill,” Peter answered. “She doesn’t like you very much.” 

Mr. Stark put a hand to his chest. “Me. Who doesn’t like Iron Man, I’m much better than Cap—who is a fugitive by the way.

“Can we please stop having the conversation,” Peter said, he knew he was probably beet red. 

“Do you know what is the most offensive, you would kill Huk, the big guy is my friend.” 

“Don’t take this so personally,” Peter said to the table. “And it’s not Doctor Baner it’s the Hulk.”

“They are a package deal, you get a good scientist with small rage issues.” 

Peter raised an eyebrow. “That not how me and Ned play, it’s just the Hulk.” 

“That is very weird,” Mr. Stark said, getting what Peter was trying to say without saying. “I understand the Thor thing,” Mr. Stark continued like Peter wanted to be there. “But he has this whole thing with saving the nine realms or whatever.”

“It’s hypothetical, Mr. Stark,” Peter argued and stared down at his notes and cursed Ned. 

“I know, I know,” Mr. Stark said. “But you are too young for sex, you know that right.” 

“Mr. Stark.” If it was possible Peter blushed even harder. “Come on you’re supposed to be cool.”

“I am cool, not having sex is cool and when you are old enough, _ protection,  _ say it with me—” 

“Mr. Stark, stop.” 

“Okay, okay,” Mr. Stark put his hands up in a mock show of surrender. “Can I ask you a question?” 

“No.” 

“F-m-k,” Mr. Stark sounded like he was speaking a new language. “Black Widow, Hawkeye, and Thor.”

“Mr. Stark.”

“Come on, kid,” Mr. Stark urged. “Humor an old man.” 

“No.” 

“Then I’ll keep guessing for you,” Mr. Stark put a finger to his chin in  _ deep thought.  _ “Ef Black Widow, kill Thor, marry birdman.”

Peter remained silent only staring at Mr. Stark. 

“Am I right. Fri would say I am right.” 

“I cannot make an accurate guess, sir,” FRIDAY responded. 

“Maybe I should call down Rhodey and ask him.” 

“No—no—-no—-no,” Peter said. “I thought you said you’d leave me alone.” 

“For that question, I have one of my own now,” Mr. Stark said. “Please come on it’ll make my day and I promise on my Iron Man suits that I won’t ask anything about f-m-k again.

Okay fine,” Peter took a deep breath and readied himself for mortifying embarrassment.“Kill Hawkeye, marry Black Widow, fuck Thor,” Peter buried his head in his notes and textbooks.

Mr. Stark hummed (in approval? agreement?) “Do you have a thing for Thor?” 

“Wha—no I just,” Peter guested to a general outline of Thor. 

“Oh yes I know,” Mr. Stark mimicked Peter’s movements. “I’ve seen your imitations, usually of Thor, do you like Thor more than me?” 

“Wait how did you see those?” 

“Baby Monitor Patrol.” 

“Wait, you actually look through all that?” 

Mr. Stark shrugged. “Sure, stop stalling, Mister and answer the question. 

“I like you way more than Thor, you’ve been my hero since I was like 6, Thor came into the picture later okay.”

“Okay,” Mr. Stark said. “Good.” 

“Yeah, can I get back to my homework until I can get home to kill myself?”

“Stop with the dark humor, bud,” Mr. Stark sounded like May. “You practically a child, it’s concerning.”

“No can do, Mr. Stark.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sup homies, i don't know if this is gonna become a thing but let's see.

**Author's Note:**

> . did i keep peter in character for his answers, discuss?


End file.
